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A Detective's Story
by Al D'Alfonso

Editor's Note: The following is a story-deck idea by Al D'Alfonso. As such, there really is little the instructions: stack the deck, false shuffle and cut, and then start. The story is the thing here, like in most story-decks. Al does a lot more with this one, inspired as he was by "Sin City", the film noir style of the flick and some of its humorous dialog. As Al, wrote, "My goal was to actually try to tell a story of sorts while keeping the obvious 'I went to 123 street to see the a guy named Jack'. I think he succeeded to a good extent. Al's favorite way of doing this is to come with a big shopping bag and talk about a recent all-night long film fest on the American Movie Classics cable channel and how it showed lots of Sam Spade and Joseph Marlow movies, lots of black and white film noir. As he's doing this bit of presentational set-up, he's pulling out a trenchcoat and hat from the bag and puts them on. He then continues on about how he fell asleep in front of the TV and dreamed about being a magic detective...not a detective that does magic but one that solves magic-related crimes. He then takes something out of his pocket
and taps it on my hand like a pack of cigarettes before revealing that it's a deck of cards, After that, he begins the effect with the line "My dream went something like this..." Now that's how to introduce a story-deck. -S

The name is Club, Sam Club, I‘m an ace (AC) private eye, a dick, a gumshoe (2S). It was raining, the night was dark as the Ace of Spades (AS) when she walked into my life. She slunk into my office looking like an angel of mercy and smelling like angels ought to smell. She had a fiery mane and a temper to match (QD). I looked up those gamms that went on for miles and finally came to the 3 carat rock on her finger (3D). She needed to find something that was missing-something dear to her. I wasn’t lost enough in her emerald eyes to forget my fee, 10 big ones a day (10D) plus expenses, and she agreed and laid down a c-note without batting a beautiful eye.

I was no fool, I knew a dame like that couldn’t be interested in a two-bit (2H), busted-up gumshoe like me. She put two (2C) smokes between her full lips and I lit her with my ever-present Zippo -- she passed one to me wordlessly. I tasted her
lipstick on my lips as I listened to her story- it was a magician (JH) who did a card trick. (sigh) it usually is in my kind of work. Another card trick gone bad. How could I break it to this kid- hooking up with a magi was always a sure formula for (4S) trouble. The noise when the window broke drove her into my arms, my head was awash with the scent of whisky and cheap perfume- my kind of dame. We looked on the floor to see a wand swimming in a sea of glass and I knew where we needed to go to get some answers.

I went to my bottom drawer, pushing aside the bottle (JC) Jack’s gonna be no help to me this time, and grabbed my forty-five (4H,5H) and tucked it away while giving her a wink. I followed her out the door, watching her body (8D) try valiantly to stay contained in the skin tight scrap of fabric that she passed off as a dress. I hailed a cab and we hi-tailed it over to the 753 Club (7C,5C,3C). I knew that hotbed of demented tricksters was as good a place as any to find some leads. Kate (8H) was at the bar--ahh Kate, all of 19 (AD,9D) and already she’s left a trail of broken hearts (10H) behind. She looked the doll on my arm up and down with the fire of the sun in her eyes and her ruby red lips purred, “Hi’ya Sammy, How’s Tricks?” As she put a bottle (JS) and two shot glasses on the bar. I slipped her a fin (5S) and in maybe too rough a tone replied “not tonight baby, I’m working’ --- and I’m sober.”

She laughed like she’d heard a joke-- that gentle melody that contained the sweet promise that could bring a grown man to his knees in tears. She slid the fiver back (5D) laughing and cooing “save it for a new suit Sammy” then in an almost inaudible whisper said table thirty-six (3S, 6S). We sat down and saw a small silver tray (3H) at the table with an envelope on it. I bummed another smoke from the vixen who with an icy voice gestured to the bar and said “friend of yours Mr. Club?” (sigh) Dames!! I ignored her and opened the envelope, inside was a jigsaw puzzle of a ransom note--we were dealing with one sick (6C) puppy here. It said to bring nine hundred and ninety-nine clams (9S, 9H, 9C) to the 77th Avenue Bridge (7S, 7D) at exactly 10:42 (10S, 4C, 2D) tonight or we’d never see the card again. I passed it to the doll as I caught Kate’s (8S) eye and nodded.

While Legs (QH) read the note and turned on the waterworks, Kate (8C) wordlessly brought over a bottle (JD) and I poured a shot. She looked me in the eyes and covered the drink before I could down it and softly asked, “Sammy look at her--she needs you more than you need this.” I looked in her fawn-like eyes and knew she spoke wisdom beyond her years but as usual I was too proud to tell her so. When it comes to consoling nineteen year old girls I’m about as useful as a palsy patient performing brain surgery with a pipe wrench. I touched her soft cheek and said “Put it in a sack for later kiddo” and against her better judgment she complied. I thrust the tray and note in by breast pocket and grabbed Red and the bag with the hooch in it.

We dashed out the door to get a cab where I flipped a ten-spot (10C) to the driver hoping he could get us to the bridge in the six minutes (6H) we had left before the doll (QC) lost it all. We made it with seconds to spare and I fingered my lighter nervously as we walked through the light drizzle of mist towards the bridge. As we got closer we saw a solitary beam of light from the only working streetlamp under which were four goons (KS, KH, KC, KD) .

Ahhh hitmen…I love hitmen, no matter what you do to them you don’t feel bad.

I walked up to the one with a card in his hand and put the paper sack on the ground a few feet in front of him. He spoke in a gruff voice “Your gun too Club- right on the floor (4D).” As I was pullin’ out my piece I heard a trigger cock and I quickly rang out 6 shots (6D) nailing all but the ringleader. He picked up the bag while holding his iron on me and as he was looking inside I tossed my piece at it just about the time he was figuring out there was no mulah. A split-second behind my gun was my lit Zippo. There was a tinkling of breaking glass followed by a flash of light as he burst into flames. I was quick but not quick enough he was able to get off a single shot before he leapt off the bridge like Haley’s Comet. I was down but thanks to the tray - the tray that now had a slug nestled right thru the belly of it- thanks to the tray…I was down but I wasn’t out. Kate…my beautiful , sweet Kate…smart kid….just like her mother. Red didn’t see my waterworks and it’s just as well…she did see what her dough bought her. A single card that didn’t quite make it over the bridge when it’s false owner took the dive. As the card drifted to the pavement she reached down and saw it was the one with her flowery script across its face . She clutched it to her slick top before deftly putting it in her purse. She quickly composed herself and throwing her arms around me in in a honey-laden voice said, “Club baby, you’re Aces (AH) in my book.” I was in seventh heaven (7H) as we walked as one towards my office. Call me a fool (Joker) to think that her affection would last longer than the darkness that was slowly creeping away.

I don’t know much about life and I know even less about Dames but I’ve learned when Lady Luck (QS) gives a lug like me an opportunity--you don’t pass it up….cause in my business; there’s no guarantees (Guarantee Joker).

Al D'Alfonso