Counting Hatched Chickens
By Shane

pecking order
1 : the basic pattern of social organization within a flock of poultry in which each bird pecks another lower in the scale without fear of retaliation and submits to pecking by one of higher rank; broadly : a dominance hierarchy in a group of social animals
2003, Miriam-Webster Abridged Dictionary

I had the greatest pleasure to be talking to one of my friends last week, someone I hadn't seen in quite a while. As is typical with us magic types, we discussed this, that, and the other thing -- upcoming lecturers, the way our shows are going, what's next for us... the usual. Then the subject drifted to the net and our experiences therein. My friend talked about how he joined a mailing list for mentalist but left it in short-order because of all the "magician-bashing" that went on. Laughingly, I told him to join the club: as a bizarrist, I get bashed by magicians all the time. A bit of a chuckle, and we returned to our regularly scheduled chit-chat.

Driving home later, though, I kept replaying my conversation with my friend. It was a horribly depressing thing, somewhat akin to listening to way too much classic country music where every singer has lost his wife, truck, farm, and dog. Hey, sometimes depression is good for the soul.

It's been my experience there is a definite pecking order -- more of a pecking Moebius strip -- in the world of magic. It's based entirely upon what realm of magic you're in, of course.

For example, if you're a magician, you look down on mentalists (too unskilled) and bizarrists (too boring) and clowns (too silly). If you're a bizarrist, you look down on magicians (too corny) and mentalists (too predictable) and clowns (too silly). If you're a mentalist, you look down on magicians (too ridiculous) and bizarrist (too weird) and clowns (too silly). If you're a clown, you look down on everyone because you're getting both the laughs and the bucks, so there.

Of course, I left out the ancillary orders (coin workers look down on card workers, kid show magicians look down on gospel magicians, etc; I can honestly attest to a card worker who looks down on other card workers who use blue-backed cards) -- there's just too many to count, let alone delineate with any clarity.

And we wonder why the magical folks get no respect from anyone, even Rodney Dangerfield.

How in the Hells are we going to get any respect from anyone when we're busy showing each other nothing but disrespect?

However, I know that, as human animals, our egoes require us to look down on somebody. Anybody will do, in fact. But I propose we kill several birds with a single stone. If we're going to look down on anyone, feel superior to anyone, then let's make sure we do this right.

In light of that proposition, here is my own personal pecking order. It's really simple: we're on top, everybody else is on the bottom (I figure if we keep it simple, we can remember exactly who we're supposed to be snearing at). So...

We look down on the following groups equally and without bias, since they are way below us and well should be:

• The fine folks who buy a stolen copy of some work for pennies, duplicate it, then sell the hell out of it on the net. We can look down on them because stealing is stealing and just because computers make it easy don't make it right and never will.
• The lovely people who get on national TV and expose the workings of tricks for no other reason than the almight dollar and Just Because. We can look down on these morons, not because they are costing us a livelihood (they're not) or because of their self-aggrandized reasoning that doing such exposures will make the rest of us work better and harder to come up with new stuff (we won't), but because they take a small portion of the wonder away. In today's world, where everyone needs all the escape they can get, these buffoons lock the door and throw away the key.
• The great people, the dealers, who sell everything they possibly can get their mitts on, calling every new item alternately "Hot!' or "Cool!" or "Must-Have!" or "Killer!" Yes, they have to make money, and I hope they do, but not at the expense of foisting mediocre (at best; grotesque at worst) magic upon the unsuspecting and funding the development of yet more garbage magic from creators who know better but like their window seats on the gravy train.

• The wonderful group of folks who buy a thumb tip, a Raven, a Svengali Deck, and a finger chopper then a week later begin booking shows. More often than not, these are the people who will continue to drive magic farther and farther down the totem pole of performance arts.

There's some bad news, though, gang, and it's probably all my fault. You see, if you read the above, then you're convinced we sit on top of the pecking order. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Actually, we're in the middle. The people above us don't look down on us, however; they are the ones we need to look up to:

• The creators who genuinely care about getting their best material out to the masses, who sweat and strain and fret over everything they release because They Care, who think mediocre is a millimeter above terrible and work their butts off to give us something much more than average. They don't do it for the cash -- which is usually pitifully small -- but for the love.
• The dealers who wouldn't sell garbage if you stuck a gun to their head and threatened their dog. Few in number anymore, and so worth more and more. These are the guys who'd rather make less but sleep at night and deserve all the business we can give 'em.
• The sincere amateur who knows a millionth of what we know but shows signs of the same passion and drive and appreciation for magic as we do without seeing the world through jaded glasses. Their questions may seem silly, but they are asked from the heart. These few are the future of magic and deserve all the time and patience we can give them. We owe them -- and ourselves -- that. They are mirrors of ourselves and reflect our best and our worst.
• Anyone who shows us even a modicum of respect. In the end, magic is nothing; people are everything. If someone pays attentiont to us, treats us fairly and with respect, they deserve to be set upon a pedestal and given the same. They are better than us because they gave it to us first before we even thought of doing it ourselves. Maybe someday we'll catch on and begin before they do.

See? Isn't that a whole lot easier than looking down on someone who uses pressure locking key rings instead of magnetic? Or plastic tips over rubber?

Now maybe I can use my blue-backed Squeezers without being sneered at.

Shane